An NFOG Christmas
by Soldier Boy
Summary: Holiday oneshot. Tinsel, carrots, airsoft and sharpies. Seriously? How much trouble can they get into?


1500 hrs.19Dec15

Surface Parking Lot, NERV Headquarters

The helicopter came in low over the large crowd of children, stopping over the flat, empty spot in their midst. It hovered about fifty feet above the ground, kicking up a small blizzard of snow flakes at ground level. The ropes went out, and down dropped thirteen figures. The first, dressed as Santa Claus carried a rucksack on his back and a pistol holstered on his leg. The remaining twelve dressed as elves, their weapons slung on their backs.

"HOHOHO!" Lampright yelled, dropping down the rope.

The twelve 'elves' paired up and formed a perimeter, pulling security.

"This is SO gay!" Maloy muttered, before being slapped in the back of the head by Jackson.

"OW! I was just sayin'."

"How did I let myself get talked into this?" he muttered more quietly.

Lampright had by now set down his rucksack of toys, and was sitting in Santa's chair, a child in his lap.

'How did I let myself get talked into this?' he wondered.

"Hi Santa!" the major said, walking up in her duty uniform.

"How come WE have to dress up for this and you don't?" he asked as soon as there were no kids within earshot.

She giggled slightly.

"That's for later." she said with a wink as she turned around and walked away.

Lampright muttered something under his breath and returned to allowing little kids to sit in his lap as NERV mothers and fathers brought them to see his own version of Santa Claus.

1821 hrs.22Dec15

Main Internal Park, NERV Geodome

The thirteen members of N-FOG, now dressed in civvies, have taken to the park, which is filled with snow from the snow makers located at either end of the park. Lampright walks through the park, observing all the kids and teens playing, the scene almost bringing a smile to his face. Herford and Cooper are sitting at a bench, gesturing wildly and vehemently arguing over whether Santa is air assault or HALO qualified. Lampright just shook his head and continued on.

"Oh HELL no! Howard! Take that second carrot off that snowman! There's friggin' kids around!"

"But boss-"

"No! I already warned you about building anatomically correct snow people after your snow woman incident. Take. Off. The. Carrot. NOW."

Howard yanked the carrot off and winged it at Lampright, who ducked, the carrot instead striking Jackson, who was leaning against a tree eating a rice cake. Jackson ran at Howard, tackled him, and the pair proceeded to roll on the ground fighting. Lampright against shook his head and continued walking, when suddenly a frightening thought struck him.

'When the hell is Maloy?'

Lampright frantically looked around, trying to find his troubled child before he got himself into trouble, but alas, he was too late. Maloy was busy chasing Pen-Pen through the park, laughing like an idiot. Apparently penguins run very fast in snow.

2214 hrs.24Dec15

CPT Lampright's Quarters, NERV Headquarters

Lampright lounged on his couch, channel-surfing as Cooper continued their conversation from the table, playing with his Christmas presents from himself, two gas-operated blow-back airsoft guns.

"So everyone but me went out with you?" Lampright said.

"Yep. We found this awesome shop that sells wicked airsoft guns."

"You guys bought airsoft guns?"

"Yeah, we all bought at least one. Even Jackson, once he realized that it meant he could shoot Maloy without getting UCMJed."

"Wait. Maloy and Howard bought'em too?"

"Yeah. Howard got an M-14 and Maloy bought an awesome M-60E3 that-"

"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS!" Lampright yelled.

"No what-" Cooper started.

The eleven other members burst through Lampright's front door, storming his room, airsoft pellets flying everywhere. Cooper grabbed his weapons, an 870 shotgun and a Beretta 93R pistol, and leaped into cover behind Lampright's couch.

"Here!" he said, throwing his pistol to Lampright.

The thirteen men spent almost a minute exchanging fire, before Lampright suddenly began yelling.

"Cease fire! Cease fire!"

He waited until the fire had stopped, before standing up.

"I suggest an alliance."

"Why?" Jackson asked.

"Instead of wasting our ammo on each other, why not take the fight to others?"

"Like?"

"NERV's having a Christmas party in the cafeteria."

The eleven aggressors began muttering amongst themselves. Jackson called for a huddle, and they quickly discussed the new plan in hushed tones.

"Agreed." Jackson finally stated.

"How much ammo we got?"

Another huddle.

"'Bout 24k, minus whatever we fired here."

"Alright, command element, take the north entrance, alpha team's got the west, and bravo team's got east. Good?"

The others just smiled.

2236 hrs.24Dec15

NERV Cafeteria

Airsoft pellets continued to whiz through the air, as they had for the last ten minutes. Lampright reloaded the automatic P-90 he had gotten from Howard as he hunkered down behind an over-turned table.

"THIS turned out well." Cooper yelled from behind a couch several feet away.

"Look, for the last time, I had NO idea they had some too."

The several dozen armed NERV personnel were also covered-down behind various pieces of furniture.

"Cooper! Reinforcements!" Lampright yelled, training his weapon on the main door as it opened.

Cooper began to turn, but was too slow, and Lampright opened fire by himself as the person walked into the cafeteria.

"Damn it Lampright!" Major Katsuragi yelled as several yellow plastic pellets struck her in the face.

"CEASE FIRE!" Lampright yelled.

"Captain Lampright! Why you-"

"They started it! They fired first!" Lampright yelled, pointing at a NERV tech who had popped his head up from behind a TV.

"Captain. Come with me. NOW."

"Shit." he muttered.

0236 hrs.25Dec15

CPT Lampright's Quarters, NERV Headquarters

"So, how bad did you get it?" Cooper asked, the crowd of other soldiers, Howard, Maloy, Smith and Larson pressing in closer.

"I don't really know. I usually stop listening when ever she chews me out. I just stand there and nod my head."

"Alright, well, we gotta go. Maloy's got a six pack of sharpies and there's a buncha NERV dudes passed out in the cafeteria after some binge-drinking." Cooper said.

"Yeah. Hey you in?" Maloy asked with a grin.

"What the hell. Hook me up." Lampright said, standing up.

0734 hrs.25Dec15

N-FOG Office, NERV Headquarters

CPT Lampright sat in his office, drinking coffee in a vain attempt to fight off a hang-over.

"Captain, do you know who stuck into the Eva pens last night and decorated them like Christmas trees!" the major yelled at him as he looked up.

"Not a clue, ma'am." he responded, kicking the box of tinsel farther under his desk.

"I bet." she muttered.

Lampright looked down and began shuffling papers on his desk, in a failed attempt to look busy.

"Ahem." the major cleared her throat.

"Huh?" Lampright said, surprised she was still present.

"It's Christmas morning. Don't you want to unwrap your...present?"

He dropped his pencil and jumped from his chair.


End file.
